The Best Way To Screw Up A Wedding
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Matthew was getting married in a few days and Alfred, as usual, had royally screwed things up. AU fic, Romerica, PoLiet, Canada/Belarus, FrUK, GerIta.
1. Alfred Screws Things Up

**AN:**

**So its me...Pupeez4eva :D**

**Some of you might know me (I've done some Hetalia fics). I don't usually write romance but I thought I'd give it a go because, hey, you're never going to learn if you don't try, right?**

**Hopefully this will be good and not a complete fail...I guess we'll wait and find out xD**

**...**

He hadn't meant to completely screw up his brothers wedding day.

Really; he may have thought Natalya Braginski was a complete and utter _psychopath, _but she was Mattie's psychopath, and he respected that (most of the time).

He wouldn't have done what he did if he had realized what he was doing...

It had started when his phone had rung. Well, okay, it was Mattie's phone but he borrowed it so often that it might has well have been his. Maybe, if he had finally gotten around to getting his own phone instead of 'borrowing' his brothers, things might have turned out differently. But he didn't; and they didn't.

"Hello?" Alfred murmured into the receiver. He'd just woken up and had barely left his previous state of sleep. His eyes were only opened in small slits.

"Hello? Is this Matthew Williams?"

"Huh?" Alfred blinked, trying to make sense of what the voice had said. "Uh, um, sure" he mumbled, deciding to stay on the safe side.

"I just wanted to confirm your reservation at the chapel for this Saturday."

"Reservation? For what?" Alfred blinked. "I didn't make any reservations."

"Is everything still going ahead as planned?"

"What? No!" Alfred exclaimed, his voice still slurred with sleep. "I never reserved anything. Cancel it!"

Geez his parents would _kill _him if he begged them for any more cash.

"Are you sure?" the voice asked.

"Yeah, yeah" Alfred muttered. "Can we say bye now? I want to go back to sleep."

He hung up the phone and tossed it onto the pillow. With a sleepy sigh he buried his head against the soft, fluffy mass and closed his eyes.

A moment later he had sat back up, his eyes wide.

"Wait, _what _just happened?!"

...

When he finally realized exactly what he had done, Alfred proceeded to freak the hell out.

"Shit, shit, shit" he moaned. He picked up Mattie's phone and flung it against the wall. "Dammit, phone, this is all your fault!"

Okay...so maybe it was his fault too. Just a bit. A very, very tiny bit.

Mattie was going to _kill _him!

Alfred stood up and paced the room. It wasn't the end of the world; so he had cancelled Mattie's reservation at the chapel. The chapel he was getting married at. The chapel he was getting married at in _three days _with a _fucking _psychotic bitch who would probably rip his throat out if she ever found out...

...Like he said, not the end of the world.

"I'll just call them back" he reasoned, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. "I'll just call them back, explain to them that this is all their fault and that I demand that reservation back, or else they'll also be responsible for my death."

...Or something like that anyway.

Fumbling for the phone, Alfred searched through the contacts, hoping like hell that his obsessive twin brother had kept the number of the chapel in there. Sure enough he had.

_'Well at least that's something' _Alfred thought. _'Maybe the world doesn't hate me after all...'_

Alfred quickly dialed the number and held the phone up to his ear. He fidgeted impatiently, waiting for someone to pick up on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hi, yeah, I cancelled this reservation before except that was a mistake, and it was partially your fault, so please be nice and give it back" Alfred rambled.

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm sorry" said the voice on the other end. "Could you please repeat all that."

"Look, this Saturday, at two thirty in the afternoon, my brother had a reservation at the chapel, under the name of Matthew Williams. I...cancelled it. By accident of course. I'm a brilliant brother, I wouldn't do something like this on purpose!"

"Matthew Williams, did you say it was?" the voice on the other end asked, ignoring all of Alfred's other rambles.

"Yeah" Alfred replied. "Matthew. Mattie. That's my baby bro alright - can you give him back his reservation and pretend none of this ever happened?"

"...It was cancelled."

"I know it was cancelled!" Alfred cried, exasperated. _"I _cancelled it. I already explained this to you, remember?"

"I'm sorry" the voice said, although there was no such emotion present in it. "Someone has already taken that spot."

"...What?" Alfred's jaw dropped open. "But I _just _cancelled! How the hell did someone take it already?!"

"We're completely packed" replied the voice. "The couple that reserved that spot were on the waiting list."

"But my brother had the spot first!" Alfred could feel sweat beginning to form on his brow. "You can't just give it to someone else!"

"You're brother cancelled."

_"I _cancelled!" Alfred let out a noise of frustration. "Don't you get it?! _I. Cancelled. Mattie's. Reservation. _Please, you have to give it back! Mattie's been so excited about this and he's going to hate me forever when he finds out - and Natalya is going to kill me - come on, have a heart -"

"I'm sorry sir" once again, the voice held no such emotion. "Perhaps I could add you on the waiting list?"

"I don't want to be on a damn waiting list!" Alfred howled. "I need the same time as before!"

There was the sound of flicking paper.

"...How about I give you that time but on Sunday instead?" the voice suggested, after a moment.

"NO!" Alfred snapped. "I need _Saturday. SATURDAY!"_

"Then I'm sorry - there isn't anything I can do."

"You people suck!" Alfred snapped. "See if I...uh...vote for you! In the next election!"

He nodded his head, then slammed his palm against his forehead and threw the phone against the wall.

Damn him. Damn the chapel. Damn whichever bastards had stolen Mattie's spot.

What the_ hell_ was he going to do now?!

...

If there really was a God, then he hated Alfred's guts.

Moments after he had ended the phone call, and had proceeded to bash his head against the pillow amidst howls of frustration, there was a knock on the door. Alfred would have just ignored it, if it hadn't been for the yell that followed.

"ALFRED! OPEN THE DOOR - I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

Oh dear _God; _it was the psychotic bitch.

"Natalya!" he laughed, trying to hide the horror in his voice. The blonde girl stood on the other side of the door, hands on her hips, scowling furiously at him.

"I'm not here for chit-chat" she snapped. "I have a wedding in a few days, after all. I just wanted to stop by and tell you one little thing."

"Oh" Alfred shuffled from one foot to the other and tried to hide his fear. "Well, what might that be."

Natalya leaned in close.

"Oh, careful Nat!" Alfred joked. "You're marrying my brother, remember?"

Natalya didn't smile. "Alfred" she hissed. "This Saturday is going to be a very important day for me. I'm going to be marrying the man I love. Do you know how important this is? _Everything _needs to be perfect."

"Of course it'll be perfect!" Alfred laughed. "Why wouldn't it be? It's not like you don't have a place to get married!"

_'Shut up Alfred' _he thought to himself.

"Shut up, Alfred" Natalya told him. "I don't care about your annoying little jokes. I don't care about you. You're annoying, I hate your guts and I always will. However - you're Matthews brother. I'm stuck with you by association."

"I'd say -"

"I don't care" Natalya cut him off. Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Alfred, you have a history of _royally _screwing things up." She leaned in closer. "If you ruin my big day in _any _way - I will come to your house in the middle of the night and chop your balls off."

Alfred paled.

Natalya leaned back and fixed her hair, eyeing him with a deadly look in her eyes.

"I'm not joking, Alfred" she said. "I have my ways - Matthew would never find out. Do you like your manhood, Alfred? Do you like it very much?"

"Natalya" Alfred stuttered. "Really, this is kind of creepy..."

"Good" Natalya smiled. "Remember that and _do not _do anything to mess up my big day. If you do, you know what will happen."

With a final chilling glance, Natalya flounced off the doorstep and disappeared down the street.

"...Oh shit" Alfred whispered, staring in horror at the empty spot where she had previously been.


	2. Alfred Makes A Plan

_"Al, you're never going to believe it!"_

_Alfred tore his attention away from his video game and turned to stare at his brother in confusion._

_"What?" he asked. He glanced back at his game. "And hurry up, I'm kind of in the middle of something."_

_"Natalya proposed to me!"_

_The controller fell out of Alfred's hands._

_"WHAT?!" he spluttered, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Repeat those words please?!"_

_"Natalya proposed to me" Matthew was grinning so widely, Alfred was sure his face would crack. "God, I was so shocked when she asked -"_

_"What do you mean the psycho proposed to you?!" Alfred demanded. "I thought you two broke up!"_

_"That's what I thought" ignoring the jab at his girlfriend (now fiancee) Matthew continued to smile. "I mean, she wouldn't answer my phone calls and didn't talk to me for three months. And her creepy brother, Ivan, wouldn't let go of that pipe of his when I went to her house to speak to her...didn't matter though, she wasn't there anyway -"_

_"Okay" Alfred cut him off. "So, from what I can tell, the two of your were broken up. Why isn't it staying that way?!"_

_Natalya was a psychotic bitch; Alfred didn't want her in the family. With her around, he'd never make it to the most sacred of all ages (twenty one)._

_"But we weren't broken up!" Matthew let out an excited laugh. "I turns out she'd gone back to Russia to hunt down her grandfather and get his wedding ring - apparently it was really hard because the guy was a convict on the run or something...but she managed in the end! And she proposed and -"_

_"Wait, wait, wait" Alfred cut him off. "Did you just say her grandfather is a _convict _on the run?!"_

_"Yup" Matthew waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine, he's innocent...Nat told me. And she wouldn't lie" he smiled dreamily. "Not that it matters of course. True love conquers all."_

_"You're insane!" Alfred spluttered. "You can't get married to Psycho! Mum and Dad would go ballistic - you're only nineteen, for christ's sake!"_

_'Why am I the one talking sense for once?' Alfred thought.'It just isn't normal...'_

_"What?" Matthew blinked, and then shook his head. "Nah, Mum and Dad were thrilled. They think Nat's a wonderful girl - it's great that _someone_appreciates our love."_

_He shot Alfred a brief glare._

_"Anyway" a moment later the glare was gone, and the dreamy look was back. "Nat and I have already decided where we're going to get married. And when - on the day we met. It was Nat's idea. How romantic is that?"_

_"Sounds like Psycho is the balls in this relationship" Alfred muttered._

_"Say what you want" Matthew leapt to his feet. "Natalya and I are going to get married! Oh, this is going to be so brilliant..."_

_..._

"And now it won't be" Alfred moaned. "Because I went and screwed the whole thing up."

Feliciano was balling his eyes out, his arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend, Ludwig's chest. Ludwig patted the young Italian's back, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"That's like, _so _tragic" Feliks gushed, as he patted Alfred comfortingly on the back.

"...Was it really necessary to tell us all of that?" Ludwig muttered.

Feliciano pulled away from Ludwig and gazed at Alfred with wide, teary eyes.

"D-d-did the grandfather at least prove his i-i-innocence?" he spluttered, through sobbing breaths.

"No" Alfred replied, frowning slightly. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't think the man _was _innocent" Ludwig pointed out.

"Like, yeah" Feliks agreed. "The whole family is, like, crazy. Have you like, _seen _Natalya's older brother? Ivan like, made me pee my pants this one time. _So _not cool."

"Guys" Alfred moaned. "This really isn't helping. I told you guys what happened so you could tell me what to do about it - not argue about whether or not Natalya's grandfather killed someone."

"He _killed _someone?" Feliciano's eyes widened.

"I don't know" Alfred sighed. "Probably - the guy _is _a Braginski, after all."

"This is like, so creepy" Feliks muttered. "I feel like I'm in one of those scary movies..."

"Guys!" Alfred exclaimed. "Seriously, not helping!"

Ludwig sighed and leaned forward. "Why don't you just tell Matthew what happened? I'm sure he won't be too mad - he _is_ your brother after all."

"Are you kidding me?!" Alfred asked, hysterically. "Mattie would murder me - and, even if he decided to take pity on me and let me live, _the Psycho Bitch would kill me!"_

"She like, totally would" Feliks said.

"No" Feliciano burst into tears again. "I don't want Alfred to die! Alfred is my best friend! Ludwig, hug me!"

Feliciano buried himself into Ludwig; the German went red and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.

"Oh my god, you guys are useless" Alfred muttered, leaning back. "Why did I ask you guys for advice again?"

"Because we're, like, you're best friends" Feliks replied, smiling at him cheerily. "And you like, have no one else."

"...Oh my god, I'm pathetic" Alfred moaned.

"You better like, fix things though" Feliks added. "Matthew was like, nice enough to invite me to his wedding. I like, bought a new outfit and everything. And guess whose going to be there?"

"I don't know" Alfred smiled slightly; oh, he _definitely _knew who is friend was talking about. "Who?"

"Liet!"

...Okay, he didn't know who he was talking about.

"Who?" he asked, turning the name over in his mind. Nope...it didn't strike a bell.

"Toris!" Feliks replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which it would be, since that had been Alfred's original assumption. Except, when the _hell _had Feliks started calling the guy 'Liet'?

Ludwig voiced his thoughts aloud.

"Well, I haven't like, started yet" Feliks replied, waving one hand dismissively. "I have to wait until we're like, actually dating. Don't worry though - it'll be like, really soon."

"Another nickname?" Ludwig sighed. "Make up your mind already."

"I thought you were going to use 'Sexy Lithuanian'" Feliciano pouted. "I liked that one!"

"I like, did too" Feliks agreed. "But Liet is just _so _much cuter!"

All this speak about Toris was making Alfred anxious again. After all, Toris was Matthew's best friend. Toris would definitely be at the wedding - the wedding that, at the moment, wouldn't be happening...

...Oh god, he was going to _die._

"I'm going to cry" Feliciano whimpered. "Alfred looks so sad! It's making me sad!"

"Yeah!" Feliks nodded his head. "Like, stop dampening the mood, Alfred."

Alfred glared at him. "I've completely destroyed my brother's wedding" he snapped. "I think I have a right to be a little depressed."

"...Oh yeah" Feliks shook his head and laughed. "I like, totally forgot. Sorry - talk about Liet does that."

Alfred slumped back and glared ahead of him.

"Maybe" Ludwig suggested, after a moment. "You could go and speak to the people at the chapel, personally. Maybe they'll be able to do something."

"They said there was no way" Alfred mumbled, miserably. "They said the spot had been taken."

"Well" Feliciano wiped away the final tears from his cheek, and smiled supportively at his friend. "It can't hurt to ask, right?"

"Like, yeah!" Feliks grinned. "And we can like, come along! It'd be like that post-graduation road trip that we planned but never had."

Alfred thought about this for a moment; well, it _couldn't _hurt. Plus, maybe if he spoke to the people face-to-face, they might be a bit more sympathetic...

"I don't have a car" he told his friends. "Do any of you?"

"Why would I have a _car?" _Feliciano's eyes widened. "Driving is scary!"

Feliks simply burst into laughter at the question.

"Ludwig" Alfred turned to the German. _"You _have a car, right?"

"I _had _a car" Ludwig replied. "My brother crashed it last month. Don't worry though, he promised to replace it - that is, if you can wait another ten years."

Alfred forced himself not to burst into tears. "It's alright" _'Stay optimistic, stay optimistic...' _"I'll just ask...my brother, Arthur. He might let me borrow his car. Maybe. I mean, if I explain the situation to him, he can't say no, right?"

"Arthur?" Feliciano frowned. "Is he the mean one that said my hair was unnatural?"

"He like, said _I _was unnatural" Feliks muttered.

"He thinks everything's unnatural" Alfred told his friends. "Don't worry about it. If it makes you feel better, he used to think his penis was unnatural."

Ludwig looked disturbed; Feliciano looked confused; Feliks looked intrigued.

"You know what?" Alfred stood up. "I'm going to go and ask him, okay? How about we all meet up at...uh..." he thought for a moment. "Ludwig's house at six o'clock?"

"That's like, fine by me" Feliks stood up and dusted off his clothes. "I like, need to speak to Liet anyway. I'm going to like, ask him to be my date at the wedding!"

_"If _there is a wedding" Alfred muttered.

Feliks frowned. "...Do you like, want me to tell him that?"

_"No!" _Alfred's eyes widened in alarm. "Do _not _do that!"

"Okay, fine" Feliks rolled his eyes and laughed. "You should have just said that."

"Would you like to come over?" Ludwig gave Feliciano a slightly awkward glance, seeming unsure. The two had only recently gotten together, despite being friend's for years. Ludwig, who was hardly a romanic, was still getting trying to get used to being in a relationship.

"I need to go home" Feliciano told him, sounding apologetic. "My fratello is staying with me and Grandpa for the week. I need to spend as much time with him as possible while I still can!"

"Okay" Alfred said. "Six o'clock. Remember that."

He headed off, still feeling apprehensive, despite the fact that he now had an actual plan.

...

**AN:**

**Okay guys - thanks for all the reviews :D I'm glad I have some people interested in reading this fic :D**

**Hopefully this chapter was good. More characters will be introduced in the next chapter - if its a bit slow starting up, don't worry, it'll be getting to the main storyline really soon.**

**Review please! :D**


	3. Alfred Meets Lovino

Walking into his house, he was greeted by the smiling faces of his parents. Both were sitting on the sofa, side-by-side, their eyes glued to the television screen. It was the perfect image of a happy couple - well, it would have been to anyone who didn't know them.

Alfred could see the way his mother kept shooting his father side-ways looks, filled with disgust, when she thought that no one was looking. He would see the way his father's hands would occasionally curl into fists. In the end it didn't really matter though; he didn't even understand why they bothered to pretend to still like each other. They were divorced now anyway; that pretty much gave them the freedom to express their hate.

"Alfred!" his mother greeted, leaping off the sofa (and looking entirely too happy to do so). "Sweetie, I was looking for you! Where were you?"

Translation: _"Why did you leave me alone with that man? If you weren't nineteen, I'd ground you!"_

"Alfred, you're mothers been searching all over the place for you" his father laughed.

Translation: _"The bitch wouldn't shut up."_

"I was out with Feliks, Feliciano and Ludwig" Alfred explained. "Is everything alright?"

"Of course" his mother laughed. "I just thought we could spend some family time together."

Translation: _"With you here, I wouldn't need to look at the bastard's face."_

"Yeah, after all this is a time for family" his father smiled. "You're brothers getting married in a few days - to that wonderful Natalya..."

Translation: ...okay there was no translation for that. For some strange reason, both his parents adored Natalya.

"I'm actually going out today" Alfred told them. "Feliciano, Feliks, Ludwig and me are thinking off...uh...driving somewhere."

His mother cocked her head to the side in confusion. "You don't have a car, sweetie" she pointed out.

"Well, no" Alfred admitted. "Actually, I was going to ask Arthur if I could borrow his."

Both his parents burst into laughter.

"Well, good luck with that" his father snorted. "You know how that boy is about his possessions..."

Alfred shrugged. "It couldn't hurt to ask" he replied. _'...Or steal...'_

"Right then" he took a step back and smiled at them. "You guys go back...to doing whatever you were doing. I'll be upstairs."

"Wonderful" his mother replied, smiling.

Translation: _"Don't leave me."_

Shaking his head, Alfred walked away from them and headed upstairs. He thought about his parents and sighed; why the hell did they bother with pretending to be able to tolerate each other? They both hated each other's guts.

Alfred had been young when his parents had divorced. His mother had received custody of Matthew, while his father had ended up with him and Arthur. Of course, he'd seen plenty of both of them, since neither of them seemed to understand the definition of 'divorce' and spent the majority of their time at each other's houses, pretending to like each other.

There were loud voices coming from inside Arthur's room. Arthur had moved out quite some time ago and was only staying with them until the wedding was over. Hesitating for a moment, Alfred knocked on the door.

The voices stopped.

"What do you want?" came his brothers voice, a moment later.

"I need to talk to you" Alfred replied. "...Also, who's in their with you?"

"No one!" Arthur snapped. A moment later Alfred heard his brother whispering; "Just climb out through the window -"

"Who's climbing out through your window?" Alfred asked, loudly.

"Shut up!" Arthur snapped. "You're imagining -"

The door opened and Alfred took a step back in alarm. He sure has hell hadn't been expecting to see the face of the smiling Frenchman in front of him.

"Francis?" he exclaimed. What the hell was their French neighbour doing in _Arthur's _bedroom. The two had, had an ongoing antagonism for years.

"Bonjour!" Francis grinned. He reached out to ruffle Alfred's hair, ignoring his cry of indignation. The Frenchman turned to Arthur and nodded his head. "I'll see you later, _oui_?"

"No!" Arthur shook his head, his cheeks red. "Why would I be seeing you later? Preposterous!"

Francis shook his head. "He is horrible at pretending, _non?" _he chuckled to Alfred, before walking out.

Alfred turned to face his brother.

"Seriously" he said, staring at Arthur oddly. _"Why _was Francis in here?"

"How should I know?" Arthur demanded.

"...Because he was in your room."

"Oh, just go away!" Arthur scowled darkly. "Why can't you ever _not _act like an obnoxious brat?"

"...Dude, is that a hickey?" Alfred squinted at his brothers neck. Arthur's hand flew up to cover it, his cheeks red.

"No!" he snapped.

"...Right" Alfred shrugged, deciding that pestering his brother wouldn't get him anywhere. He needed to find a way to convince his brother to lend him his car.

"So..." Alfred, trying to hide his apprehension, smiled at his brother. "As you probably know - unless of course your an idiot - Mattie is getting married this weekend."

"Of course I know that" Arthur snapped, still covering his neck. "Is that all you have to say? If so, just get the hell out."

"Well" Alfred coughed. "You probably think that Natalya is a psycho, and I don't blame you -"

"What?" Arthur cut him off. "Of course I don't think that. Natalya's an outstanding girl."

...Were all his family completely off their rockers?

"You think Psycho's outstanding" Alfred repeated, disbelief coating his words. "What the hell _possessed _you to say that? Has she bugged your room or something? Wait -" his eyes widened in realization. "Thats what Francis was doing here, right? Natalya sent him to spy on you!"

"Shut _up!" _Arthur growled. "I told you, I don't know why Francis was here!"

"You're a horrible liar" Alfred snorted. "Anyway, we'll come back to you and Francis later -"

"There _is _no me and Francis!"

" - I need to ask you if I can -" before he could finish, Arthur cut him off.

"Whatever you're about to say, think very carefully before you continue" he told him. "I don't want you coming up with any schemes that could potentially ruin Matthew's happiness. The boy has finally found the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with; I say, good for him!"

"Well, uh..." okay, this was _really _not going the way he wanted it to. "...She is a _bit _crazy..."

"I mean" Arthur continued, ignoring him. "Natalya is a headstrong girl - Matthew tells me she was the one who proposed. Not many girls would have the guts to do that. She obviously cares for him a lot. Not to mention, she _is_ quite pretty. I think Matthew has done quite well for himself, don't you?"

"Uh..."

"You know, Alfred" Arthur squinted at him. "You aren't..._jealous _are you?"

"What?!" Alfred's jaw dropped open. "Of course not! Why would I be jealous? Psycho's...well, she's psycho!"

"Right, just checking" Arthur smirked slightly, before shaking his head. "Anyway, what was it you wanted to ask me?"

"...Never mind." Alfred took a few steps back, until he was standing out of the room. Arthur gazed at him curiously.

"No really" he pressed. "What did you want to say?"

"It doesn't matter" Alfred shrugged his shoulders. "It was stupid."

"...Yes" Arthur nodded his head, after a brief pause. "It probably was."

A moment later, the door was slammed in Alfred's face.

...

Alfred slammed his fist on the door of the house in front of him. A moment later it opened.

"Feliks" he moaned. "I'm in serious need of help."

"Alfred!" Feliks exclaimed. "God I like, really need to talk to you!"

His friend grasped his arm and dragged him into the house. Alfred allowed him to do this, feeling more than a bit hopeless.

"God, Alfred" Feliks moaned, once the boy had pulled Alfred into his bedroom, and had bolted the door behind him. "I think my heart has like, broken!"

"Really?" Alfred tried to muster up some sympathy but, in the end, could only stare blankly at the wall. "I'm completely screwed too."

"No! You don't understand!" Feliks actually looked ready to burst into tears. "I like, called Liet up before, to ask him if he wanted to be my date to the wedding. But then he - he just - _oh my god, it's like, so tragic!"_

"Get on with it please."

"Alfred" Feliks' face morphed into a glare. "What is, like, _wrong _with you?! You're like, being _so _mean!"

"Sorry" Alfred sighed. "I guess I'm a bit stressed...I'll tell you about it in a minute. You can finish first."

Feliks hesitated for a moment, before continuing.

"So, like I said, I called Liet" his voice wobbled slightly. "And Liet - he called me _Katyusha!"_

Alfred stared at his friend.

"...Okay" he said at last. "He got your name wrong. It's really not that bad -"

"No, you don't understand!" Feliks wailed. "He like, called me Katyusha and then he like, asked me to be his date to Matthew's wedding!"

"...Okay" Alfred _seriously _didn't get what the problem was. "Toris asked you out. Why are you so upset - wait, wait, these are tears of joy, right?"

"Like, _totally _not!" Feliks snapped. "These are like, tears of...of..._total misery! _Liet wasn't asking _me _out! He was like, asking _Katyusha, _whoever that _bitch _is!"

Alfred frowned slightly.

"Katyusha?" he thought for a moment. "Hey, doesn't Psycho have a sister called Katyusha?"

Feliks paled. "You...you mean the one with like, the _massive _boobs?" he let out a choked sob. "No! I can't like, compete with that!"

Alfred pat his friend on the back. "There, there."

Alfred felt his phone (well, Matthew's phone) buzz. Hesitating for a moment (he remembered what a mess this phone had gotten him into the last time he'd answered it) Alfred accepted the call and held the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Alfred!" it was Ludwig. "Where are you? Feliciano and me are waiting for you and Feliks."

"I'm at Feliks' house" Alfred told him. "And...forget about going to the chapel guys, it's not happening anymore."

"What? Why not?" Feliciano's voice filled his ears; Alfred realized that the conversation was probably on speaker.

"Hey Feli" he said. "Uh...well, I tried to ask Arthur for his car but...I didn't."

"Why not?" Ludwig sounded confused.

"A lot of things" Alfred replied. "Mainly because Arthur can be _fucking intimidating _when he wants to be."

"Arthur?" said a voice in the background. "Is that the loser that Francis is fucking?"

"...Whose that?" Alfred's brow furrowed.

"Shut up, Gilbert" he heard Ludwig snap. "Don't worry about it" his friend told him, a moment later. "It's just my idiot brother."

"Oh" Alfred's shoulders slumped slightly. "So yeah...we don't have a car. We don't have anyway to get there."

"Don't worry" Feliciano rejoined the conversation. "I think there might be a way. You two, just come over to Luddy's house, okay?"

"Luddy?" Alfred heard Gilbert snort from somewhere in the background.

"You don't have a car" Alfred pointed out. "And anyway, none of us can drive but Ludwig."

"Trust me" Feliciano told him. "And don't cry, because then I'll cry! And I don't like crying!"

...

After the phone call ended, Alfred and Feliks headed over to Ludwig's house.

It was Ludwig's older brother, Gilbert, who answered the door.

"Oh, it's you losers" Gilbert greeted.

"Like, fuck you Gilbert" Feliks told him, scowling slightly.

"Don't want you anywhere near me, loser" Gilbert retorted. He moved out of the way to allow them into the house.

"LUDWIG!" Gilbert called out, loudly. "YOU'RE UN-AWESOME FRIENDS ARE HERE!"

Ludwig appeared a moment later, shooting his brother an annoyed look.

"I was in the other room" he snapped. "You didn't have to yell."

Gilbert snorted. "Yeah whatever" he retorted. "Talking normally is _so _un-awesome."

"So, where did Feli go?" Alfred asked Ludwig. The blonde shrugged his shoulders, looking equally as confused.

"He just left the house, saying that he 'needed to make things happy again'" Ludwig replied. "I have no idea what that means."

"This is really un-awesome" Gilbert muttered. "I'm going upstairs to try out that new military simulation game I bought."

He left the room

"You're brothers like, totally weird" Feliks told Ludwig. "You like, know that, right?"

"Of course" Ludwig snorted. "You think this is bad? You should have seen him as a kid. It was hell for everyone involved."

The door suddenly banged open and all three of them leapt into the air, eyes wide.

"ARE WE BEING INVADED?!" Gilbert howled, hurling himself back into the room. "Where's our arsenal?!"

"We don't _have _arsenal!" snapped Ludwig.

"Dammit!" Gilbert growled. "I _told _you we needed weapons incase we were ever invaded! What are we going to do now?!"

There was a small cough from the doorway. Everyone turned around, remembering the 'intruder.'

Feliciano smiled at them.

"I'm not invading" he told them. "...Sorry" he added.

Gilbert's shoulders slumped. "Nothing cool ever happens anymore" he muttered, leaving the room.

"Feliciano!" Alfred grinned, hurrying forward. "Did you get us a car?!"

"Yup!" Feliciano beamed, proudly. "I also got you my fratello!"

"Uh..." Alfred stared at him, blankly.

"His brother" Ludwig replied. He turned to face Feliciano. _"Why _do we need your brother?"

"Well" Feliciano said. "I asked Lovi if we could borrow his car except he's a bit protective of his stuff so he said he'd only let us use it if he was driving. But, uh...that doesn't matter, right? We still have a car and my fratello's really nice!"

"It's fine" Alfred told him. He'd take anything at the moment.

The three of them followed Feliciano out of the house, and over to a small, battered car parked on the side of the street. Feliks' nose wrinkled at the sight of it.

"Like, ugh" he grumbled. "That car like, needs a _complete _makeover."

"What's that supposed to mean, bastard?" snapped an irritated voice. Alfred glanced up in the direction it had come from.

He stared.

Okay _wow _he hadn't expected that. He'd sort of expected Feliciano's brother to be...well, like Feliciano. And the guy standing in front of him _did _look like Feliciano but in a much sexier kind of way (and that was a bit creepy to think, since Feliciano was like...well, not like the little brother he'd never had, since he had Mattie, but definitely like a little brother. Alfred didn't think little brothers were sexy; that was just weird).

However, despite looking a lot like Feliciano, the guy was hot; that much Alfred could admit.

The guy glared at him.

"Stop staring at me, bastard" he snapped. "It's creepy."

He turned away to snap something at Feliciano, and Alfred found himself wondering if modifying the guy's first words to him was possible.

"Guys, this is my fratello, Lovino!" Feliciano said, pointing at his brother in excitement. Lovino continued to glower at his brother, and then moved on to glare at the rest of them.

"I'm Alfred" Alfred told him, trying to keep his voice as normal as possible.

"Don't care, bastard" Lovino snapped.

_'...Maybe he's just shy...'_

"Like, wow, _someone's_ PMS-ing" Feliks muttered. In a louder voice, he said; "Can we like, stop at my house? I need my supplies for the trip."

"Supplies?" Alfred stopped staring at Lovino, and glanced at his friend in confusion. "Why do you need supplies? We won't be gone that long..."

"I'm like, not leaving on a potential day-long trip without my beauty products!" Feliks retorted. "I'd like, never make it through the night without them!"

"...How the _hell _long are you bastards planning on taking?!" Lovino demanded. He whirled around to face Feliciano. "What the hell, fratello?! You told me this would only take a few hours!"

"It will" Ludwig assured him.

"Feliks is just paranoid" Alfred added.

"For your sakes, you better hope he is" Lovino muttered. In a louder voice, he said; "Hurry up then - get in the car."

"I can't like, believe I'm getting into such an ugly thing..." Feliks muttered.

Lovino purposely hit him with the car door.

**...**

**AN: **

**Here's another chapter :D Reviews would be awesome, since I'd love to know what you guys are thinking of the story so far.**


	4. Alfred Gets Slapped

As they sat in the car, waiting for Feliks to finish gathering his 'supplies' Alfred found his eyes being dragged back to where Lovino was sitting, glaring at his window. Coincidentally, he had ended up in the passenger seat (the fact that he had shoved past Feliciano had nothing to do with it).

"So...Lovino, huh?" he asked, attempting a bit of small talk. "That's Italian."

Lovino glared at him. "That's because _I'm _Italian, bastard" he snapped.

"Yeah, that makes sense" Alfred laughed, undeterred by Lovino's obvious dislike of him. "Lovino equals Italian; Feliciano equals Italian. Feliciano and Lovino equals brothers..." he laughed again and inwardly winced; god, he was so lame.

"...Oh god" Lovino muttered, staring at him as if he had sprouted another head.

Feliciano, beaming, leaned forward. "Don't you just love my friends, fratello?" he exclaimed.

"God no!" Lovino snarled. He turned his head and glowered viciously at Ludwig. "Dammit, I see that you're still friends with that Potato Bastard."

"You know, Lovino" Ludwig said, frowning. "I'd prefer it if you didn't call me that -"

"Potato Bastard."

Alfred raised one eyebrow. "You know Lovino, Ludwig?" he asked his friend.

"Yes" Ludwig replied. "I met him when I'd first befriended Feliciano."

That made sense; Feliciano and Ludwig had been friends long before they had met him or Feliks. Alfred leaned back in his seat, his mind drifting to when he had first met his two friends.

...

_Alfred loved Feliks; he really did. Feliks had been his best friend ever since kindergarten, when Alfred had mistaken him for a pretty girl and had given him a valentines card (in his defense, it was an easy mistake to make - Feliks' little habit of cross dressing had been present even then). _

_Sometimes though, Feliks was just a plain embarrassment. It was his first week in high school and already he had been the victim of a number of different bullies, simply because he was a friend of Feliks. _

_And Feliks just did NOT shut his mouth. EVER._

_Who went up to a person (a massive, bulky, MUSCULAR person) and told them that they "totally needed to like, lose some major pounds." It was just asking for trouble!_

_The fact that his friend had a few odd...quirks, certainly didn't help matters._

_Alfred didn't fault Feliks for being different. In fact, he was pleased that his friend was so unique and unafraid to be so._

_At times though, couldn't he just...just..._

_...Shut the freaking hell up?_

_"ALFRED!" Feliks' voice blared through his ears and Alfred whirled around, feeling guilty for his previous thoughts. His friend came barreling into him, breathing hard. "Oh my god, Alfred, help me!" he wailed. "There's like, this creepy German kid -"_

_"LOSER!"_

_Feliks squeaked in fear._

_A white haired boy came hurling towards them, and Alfred's eyes widened in horror. The boy looked _big. _Really...really...big. And older; he was obviously in a higher year level._

_'Oh my god' Alfred thought. 'I'm going to die.'_

_"You fucking loser!" the boy growled, coming to a halt in front of them. Feliks tightened his grip on Alfred, his eyes wide. "What the fuck gives you a right to talk to me that way?! I swear -"_

_"Whatever he did, he's sorry" Alfred stuttered, his eyes wide._

_"I like, never did anything wrong!" Feliks wailed. "I only like, told the guy he should stop like, dying his hair such an ugly colour -"_

_"IT'S MY NATURAL HAIR YOU LOSER!"_

_...Yes, they were definitely going to die._

_"Well how was I like, supposed to know that?!" Feliks demanded, some heat slipping into his voice as he glared at the white haired boy._

_"He's sorry" Alfred told the boy. "Just don't kill me - and him too, I guess."_

_"Like, yeah!" Feliks nodded his head. He frowned slightly. "...But like, if you'd like to dye it a new colour, I know something that would be like, totally cute -"_

_"I'm going to fucking break your face in!"_

_"Feliks, shut up!" Alfred wailed._

_"GILBERT!" _

_A blonde boy who Alfred recognized from his class - Lardwig or something like that - latched onto the white-haired boy's arm, and shot him a warning look._

_"Knock it off" he said. "You already got suspended once - mum and dad will kill you if it happens again!"_

_"Suspended?" Alfred whimpered. "Dammit, Feliks, why do you always get us into this situations?!"_

_"It's like, not my fault I appreciate beauty!" Feliks snapped._

_Alfred's eye twitched. "Do you WANT him to crush our heads?!"_

_"Gilbert" Lardwig repeated. "Stop it. Really - stop."_

_Gilbert scowled. "You're so unawesome!" he complained. "You never let me have any fun!"_

_He stormed off in the opposite direction, grumbling about unawesome little brothers, and other how he was much too awesome to deal with any of this._

_"Sorry about that" Lardwig apologized. "Gilbert sometimes gets a little...violent."_

_"He like, attacked me for no reason!" Feliks declared. Alfred rammed an elbow into his friends stomach, effectively cutting him off._

_"Oh, Ludwig!" Feliciano, another boy from their class, came running up to them, beaming widely. "You found new friends?!"_

_"No -" Lardwig started to say, but Feliciano cut him off._

_"Yay! This is so great - I was wishing for new friends, you know. Friend's are so nice!" the boy was rambling now. "They can sit with us, can't they? Please, please, please?"_

_"...Is he like, alright?" Feliks frowned._

_..._

Eventually Alfred worked out that Ludwig's name wasn't 'Lardwig' and eventually, the four of them all became best friends.

And then Feliciano and Ludwig got together...Alfred wondered if Lovino knew about that. If not, he wondered how the other male would take it if he found out; he seemed to dislike Ludwig quite a bit.

Then again, he seemed to dislike the world in general.

"Where the HELL is that bastard?!" Lovino demanded, glaring viciously out the window. "He said he'd only be a few minutes!"

"It's Feliks" Alfred replied. "He usually takes a long time to finish these things."

"Fuck" Lovino cursed. "Am I ever going to get home?!"

Feliks finally exited his house; Alfred winced slightly when he caught site of the large suitcase his friend was attempting to lug behind him.

"What the hell?!" Lovino cried. "What did you _put _in that thing?!"

"Like, all the essential things I need to survive this trip" Feliks replied, waving one hand, dismissively.

"Trust me" Ludwig muttered. "You _don't _want to know."

"Whatever" Lovino grumbled, as he started up the car. Feliks, after dumping his bag in the boot, hurried back into the car and squashed in between Ludwig and Feliciano. Ludwig looked slightly disappointed.

"Okay, bastards" Lovino glanced at the three in the backseat, and then at Alfred. "None of you say a _word. _This trip is going to be made in _silence _understand?"

"Yes, fratello!" Feliciano replied, beaming widely.

_"Silence" _Lovino snapped.

The car began to move forward and, moments later, they were gliding down the street. Alfred leaned against his seat and watched as they passed house after house. He wondered how long it would take to reach the chapel; this was starting to feel just a bit boring. He spared a glance at Lovino who was glaring at the road, making a point not to look at any of them.

The car remained silence for about five more minutes; then the talking began.

"Like, I _so _have to tell you guys what happened when I called Liet" Feliks cried. "It's like, _so _tragic -"

"Bastards, I said silence!" Lovino growled.

"Like, you totally want to here this Love-no" Feliks replied, waving one hand dismissively. Lovino's expression darkened even more.

"My names _Lovino" _he snapped.

"It's Italian" Alfred told Feliks, nodding his head.

"Shut _up _bastard!"

"Yeah like, anyway" Feliks turned back to Ludwig and Feliciano. "I like, phoned up Liet - and he called me _Katyusha! _I was like, _what? _Who the_ hell_ is _Katyusha?! _And he was like -"

The car slammed to an abrupt stop. Everyone stared at Lovino with wide eyes.

"Everyone is going to _shut up _or I'm driving you all home!" he growled.

"Like, take a chill pill" Feliks grumbled but quietened down anyway. The car started up again and this time, no one said a word.

"...So" Alfred said, after a bit of time had passed. "I never knew Feliciano had a brother."

Lovino glanced at him and, for a moment, Alfred thought he was going to tell him to shut up. Instead he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"My fratello got sent to boarding school" Feliciano replied, poking his head forward and smiling at Alfred. "He got bullied badly and -"

"That's not how it happened!" Lovino protested, his cheeks burning. "I got expelled so I got sent away to boarding school!"

"Of course. Fratello is very 'badass'" Feliciano agreed, nodding his head. Lovino turned his head away, grumbling under his breath. Feliciano leaned in close to Alfred and whispered; "Fratello always tells me to say that."

"Shut _up!" _Lovino snapped. "It's how it happened, okay? God fratello, learn how to get your information right!"

Feliks snickered; Lovino let out a howl of frustration.

"I can still drive you bastards back!" he threatened. Everyone immediately quietened down; Lovino nodded his head, looking pleased.

Of course, as usual, the silence didn't last.

"Fratello!" Feliciano moaned, about fifteen minutes later. "I need to use to toilet badly!"

"God!" Lovino growled. "Can't you just wait until we reach the fucking chapel?!"

"No!" Feliciano wailed. "I really, really, _really _need to go! Ludwig" he turned to stare imploringly at his boyfriend. "Tell Lovi that I need to pee real badly!"

Ludwig blushed and shook his head.

"I'm not saying that" he muttered.

"Like, just go in the car" Feliks told Feliciano. "I like, heard somewhere that holding it in is like, _really _bad."

The car jerked to the stop. Behind them, horns blared as other cars and a series of angry exclamations were let out.

"Go in my car and I'll kill you" Lovino spat. He shot Feliks a dark look. "You too bastard" he glanced at Ludwig. "And you, because I _hate _you, Potato Bastard."

Alfred rejoiced in the fact that Lovino hadn't threatened to kill him, until the Italian shot a glance at him and said; "Stop smiling bastard; I'll save you for last."

...Well, that was good right? It meant that Lovino wanted to keep him around...

Another horn blared and Lovino let out a curse.

"I'm going, I'm going!" he snapped.

"I'm going too" Feliciano whimpered.

"Fratello -" Lovino warned. Feliciano moaned and screwed his eyes shut.

"Please, please, please?!" he wailed. "I really, really, really, really -"

"Alright _fine!" _the car once again jerked to a stop; the string of cars behind them were also forced to stop.

"You really need to stop doing that" Ludwig frowned, observing the angry drivers behind them. "I'd rather not be a victim of road rage."

With a noise of frustration, Lovino pulled the car forward. "Let me just find a gas station" he ground out.

When he finally managed to find one around ten minutes later, Feliciano all but threw himself out of the car, dragging Ludwig with him.

"I like, need to check my hair" Feliks informed them, before following his two friends into the gas station, and leaving Lovino and Alfred alone in the car.

Alfred twiddled his thumbs, his eyes drifting over to where Lovino was sitting. The Italian shot him an irritated glare and Alfred dragged his eyes away.

"...Okay, I have to ask" Alfred jumped slightly at the sound of Lovino's voice. "Why the hell are you guys going to a chapel?"

Alfred opened his mouth to reply but Lovino's eyes suddenly widened and he let out a panicked exclamation.

"My brother isn't getting married to the Potato Bastard, is he?!" he demanded.

Alfred blinked, surprised by Lovino's assumption.

"Of course not" he told him. "They only just got together -"

"Oh my god" Lovino cut him off, sounding horrified. "They're _together?!"_

"...Yes" Alfred raised one eyebrow. "I thought you knew...I mean, you assumed they were getting married -"

"Well yeah! I didn't think they were _together _though!"

"...Uh..." Alfred blinked, trying to make sense of that logic. Lovino slouched back in his seat, letting out a string of curses under his breath. Alfred watched him, waiting for the older male to calm down.

"Fine then" Lovino said, at last. "If it isn't for my fratello and the Potato Bastard - _thank god _- why are you going to a chapel?"

"Uh..." Alfred hesitated for a moment. "Thats actually a long story..."

"Trust me when I say, my fratello has a _big _bladder" Lovino replied, shuddering slightly. "Plus, something tells me that the other creepy bastard isn't going to be done for a while."

"Well...my brother's getting married" Alfred said. "My twin, Mattie - we're really close, you know? Have been since before I could even remember -"

"Cut the crap about your cute brotherly relationships, its making me sick" Lovino told him.

"...Right" Alfred coughed. "Well, like I said, my brother's getting married. This Saturday - at the chapel we're going to."

"Oh" Lovino frowned. "So what, your going there to do something for him?"

"Well, yeah, you can say that..." Alfred twiddled his thumbs and coughed awkwardly. "Actually...I kind of...cancelled his reservation at the chapel."

Lovino stared at him.

"It's not my fault!" Alfred added, hurriedly. "...Well okay, it kind of is. But...well, I wasn't paying attention, alright! The phone rang, and well, I always borrow Mattie's phone, so when they called, I accidentally cancelled and then I realized - I cancelled Mattie's fucking _wedding - oh my god, why am I such an idiot?!"_

Lovino slapped him.

"...What was that for?" Alfred demanded, rubbing his cheek and staring at the Italian with wide eyes.

"Partially because you were hyperventilating" Lovino told him. "But mostly because I wanted to."

Alfred's shoulders slumped. "Mattie's future-wife is insane" he moaned. "We call her Psycho...she said if I screwed things up, she'd castrate me."

Lovino shrugged. "Fair enough."

"...If she doesn't do it, Mattie probably would" Alfred sighed.

Lovino shrugged again. "If I was Mattie, _I _would castrate you" he replied.

Alfred leaned against his seat, considering this statement. On one hand he was worried; on the other hand he was just a bit ecstatic about the fact that they were on the topic of his genitals...

He jumped slightly when the door opened. Feliciano climbed back into the car, Ludwig following close behind.

"Thank you for stopping, fratello!" Feliciano said, beaming widely.

"Whatever" Lovino muttered. "Where's the creepy bastard?"

"Feliks?" Ludwig asked. "He's still in there, I think..."

After around half an hour had passed Feliks finally made it back to the car and, with loud insults and curses flying from his mouth, Lovino started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

**...**

**AN:**

**Thank you for all the reviews! Hope you continue to enjoy this and tell me what you think! :D**


	5. Alfred Gets Seriously Weirded Out

"And then I was like - _how can you not know who I am?! _I'm only that one guy who is like, _unconditionally and irrevocably _in love with you - and like, oh great, now I sound like that annoying Bella chick -"

The car screeched to a halt.

"We're here!" Lovino growled, whirling around to glare at Feliks. "So you can _shut the hell up_ now and get out."

"We're here?" Feliciano let out an excited squeal. "Yay! Now things can become happy again!"

"Oh, shut up, fratello" Lovino groaned. "Act your age, for crying out loud!"

Alfred stared at the wedding chapel, feeling anxiety curl in his gut. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go in anymore; what if they turned him away? What if they told him that there was no way they could give Mattie back his previous reservation...what would he do then?

"Are you coming, bastard?"

Lovino's voice interrupted his thoughts; Alfred nodded his head and unbuckled his seatbelt, and then forced himself to leave the car.

He stood still, staring at the chapel for a few moments.

"...Can we just go home?" he pleaded.

Lovino shot him a glare. "Not if you want to live" he snapped. Alfred sighed, his shoulders slumping. Reluctantly, he followed his friends into the chapel.

"This is nice" Ludwig observed. "Not too big...nice furnishing...don't you guys think?"

Lovino glared at him. "What the fuck are you hinting at, Potato Bastard?!" he demanded. "You trying to say that you're planning on coming here soon?"

Ludwig shot him an odd look. "...Well, Matthew invited me to his wedding..."

"Oh shut up!" Lovino snarled. "You _know _what I'm talking about! Don't act all innocent!"

"I really don't -"

_"Stay the hell away from my brother!"_

Alfred meanwhile, was internally hyperventilating from the mention of Matthew's wedding; the wedding that might never happen...which would lead to his death or castration...which would make him completely miserable...he didn't want to die...he didn't want to lose his balls...

"Excuse me?" an annoyed voice sounded somewhere from behind them. "Please keep your voices down!"

Alfred turned around; a woman stood behind them, her hands on her hips and a scowl stretched across her face.

"Like, Love-no is just mad that Ludwig is dating his brother" Feliks told her, nodding his head.

"My name is _Lovino!" _

"Ve" Feliciano giggled. "I'm the brother!"

"Lovely" the woman replied, although her voice suggested anything but. "Now, can I help you?"

"Yes" Alfred nodded his head and took a step forward. "You work here, right? I need to speak to you about something _really _important. And when I say important I mean -"

"Alright then" the woman cut him off. "Start talking - and hurry up. I'm busy."

"Wow" Feliks muttered. "These people have like, _no _people skills. Love-no, you should totally work here -"

"For the last time, you bastard" Lovino ground out. "My. Name. Is. _LOVINO!"_

"Oh for god sake!" the woman snapped. "Keep your voices down or get out!"

Ludwig grabbed Feliks by the arm and nodded at Lovino to follow. The Italian made no move to comply.

"Lovino" Ludwig hissed. "Come on - let's wait over there."

For a moment Lovino didn't move; then, with a roll of his eyes, he followed Ludwig, Feliciano and Feliks to the other end of the room. When they had left, Alfred turned back to the irate woman, and shot her a desperate look.

"Okay" he said. "So, the other day, I got a phone call from you guys."

"Noted" the woman said, calmly. "Did this cause a problem?"

"Well...yeah..." Alfred coughed. "You see, my brother - Matthew Williams - he's getting married to this psychotic chick in a few days."

"...To 'this psychotic chick'" the woman's eyes drew upwards.

"Yeah" Alfred nodded his head. "Her names Natalya but she's completely insane. I'm not even joking. There was this one time -"

"Alright" the woman cut him off. "How did the phone call pose a problem?"

"Uh, well...you see, they asked me to confirm the wedding" Alfred replied, slowly. "And I kind of cancelled it."

The woman stared at him.

"You...cancelled your brothers wedding?" she said, at last. Alfred nodded his head.

"Yeah" he replied. "I did; by accident of course. I wouldn't have done it if I'd realized what I was doing...I'd just woken up though, so I was really tired, and I had no idea who -"

"You talk a lot" the woman told him.

"...Yeah" Alfred shrugged his shoulders. "I ramble when I'm nervous."

"Alright then" the woman sighed. "So, you cancelled your brothers wedding. What can I do to help you?"

"You can give it to me back" Alfred shot her a hopeful smile. The woman raised one eyebrow, looking slightly confused.

"Give you what back?"

"The wedding reservation!" Alfred exclaimed. "I was speaking to someone about it on the phone but they said that someone had already taken the spot so...yeah."

"Well, if someone has already reserved the spot, there is nothing I can do about it" the woman shrugged her shoulders, looking indifferent.

"But..." Alfred's shoulders slumped and his eyes widened in desperation. "Mattie had the spot first!"

"Yes" the woman stared at him, as if he was an idiot. "And you cancelled it."

"By accident!" Alfred moaned. "Can't you just speak to the guys who took his spot? Explain to them what happened -"

"I can't do that" the woman replied, shrugging her shoulders. "If the reservation was cancelled then your best option is to book another time or to find another venue."

"But this sucks!" Alfred moaned.

The woman shrugged. "You shouldn't have cancelled the reservation."

Whirling around, Alfred stormed off, a dark look crossing his face.

"Dammit!" he cursed. "What - is being a complete and utter _bitch _a requirement to work here?!"

...

"...So" Ludwig coughed, trying to break up the awkwardness surrounding them. Feliks was frowning thoughtfully at the walls, muttering something about "tackiness" while Feliciano was beaming happily at all of them; Lovino was scowling viciously at anything he could see.

"What do you want, Potato Bastard?" he demanded, scowling at Ludwig.

"Uh..." Ludwig coughed and shrugged his shoulders. "I hope Alfred manages to get Matthew's reservation back."

"I like, don't" everyone turned to stare at Feliks. "Well, I don't like, want Alfred to suffer" the Polish boy amended. "I just don't want to like, face Liet."

Lovino groaned. "Dammit, bastard!" he cursed. "Stop talking about that guy! It's all I've heard since this damn trip started!"

"But he's like, going to be going with _Katyusha!" _Feliks wailed. "Her boobs are like, bigger than my head!"

"This is nice" Feliciano murmured, gazing around. "It's like a church, ve?"

"It's a chapel" Ludwig pointed out. "Of course it would be like a church."

"It's a _wedding _chapel" Lovino retorted. "There's a difference, bastard."

"I haven't been to church in a while..." Feliciano sighed. "I should probably go soon..." he yelped when Lovino grabbed his shoulders and glared at him.

"What do you mean you 'haven't been to church in a while'?!" he demanded. "Why not?"

Feliciano let out a squeak of fear. "I don't know!" he wailed. "I've just been busy -"

"With the Potato Bastard?!" Lovino shook his brother slightly and let out a curse. "Dammit!" he muttered. "I have to have a talk with Grandpa -"

"Like, seriously Lov -"

"Call me_ Love-no _again and I _will _kill you!" Lovino warned, shooting a deadly look at Feliks. He turned to face Feliciano once again and let out a deep breath.

"At least tell me you've been keeping up with your nightly prayers. We used to say them all the time before bed, before I moved out."

"Uh..." Feliciano lowered his eyes to the floor and shrugged his shoulders. Lovino's expression darkened.

"Dammit, fratello!" he snapped. He shot a vicious glare at Ludwig. "I bet this is all your fault, Potato Bastard!"

"No, no!" Feliciano shook his head. "Ludwig hasn't done anything, fratello!"

"Whatever!" Lovino turned around, glaring. "You can't just forget these things, fratello! God...you know what?" he whirled around and ran his eyes over the pews in the chapel. "This is pretty close to a church. Start praying."

"Your like...joking, right?" Feliks stared at Lovino in disbelief.

"Come on, fratello!" Lovino snapped. "Or have you forgotten?!"

"No, no!" Feliciano shook his head. "Uh...yes, I'll do it now!" he hurried over to one of the pews and knelt down, his hands immediately clasped together.

"Lovino" Ludwig frowned. "I think this is a little extreme -"

"Shut up, Potato Bastard."

At that moment, Alfred stormed into the room, cursing under his breath. Ludwig, relieved by the distraction, turned to face his friend.

"I take it things didn't go smoothly?" he asked, his brow creased slightly.

"The woman was such a bitch!" Alfred growled. "She just...she just...I mean, she wouldn't even consider it! This is so unfair!"

"Maybe you can speak to the people who reserved the spot?" Ludwig suggested.

Alfred sighed and slumped down on one of the seats.

"I asked her that" he replied. "She said she can't do that."

Feliks came to sit beside Alfred and gave his friend a supportive look. "Like, ask her for their names" he suggested. "Then we can go an speak to them ourselves."

"She won't do that" Alfred sighed, his shoulders slumped. "Confidentiality and all."

His eyes drifted over to where Feliciano - and Lovino, who had joined him soon after - were kneeling and praying. His eyebrows drew together.

"What...are they doing?" he frowned.

"Like, don't ask" Feliks replied. "Its like, totally weird how it all happened."

Ludwig simply nodded his head in response.

"Oh" they all turned around, startled to hear another voice enter the scene. It was the woman again; she clutched a small book in her hands. "You lot are still here."

"We're leaving soon" Ludwig told her.

"Yes, well..." she glanced down at the book, and then back at them. "I was looking through our log book...we're completely booked for the rest of this month. There is no way that I could give you back your previous time."

"Can't you like, tell us who the people are?" Feliks asked, hopefully. "The ones who like, stole Mattie's reservation?"

"They didn't _steal _anything" the woman responded. "And no, I can't."

"Told you" Alfred muttered, miserably.

Feliks' brow furrowed and he looked thoughtful for a moment; then, a small smirk spread across his lips. He winked at Alfred, before turning back to the woman.

He then burst into hysterical sobs.

Alfred jumped in alarm, his eyes wide. He exchanged glances with Ludwig, who looked just as shocked. The woman looked startled and unsure of what do to.

"What the hell is going on?!" Lovino demanded. He and Feliciano had come running over, alerted by the commotion.

"I don't know..." Alfred stared at Feliks with wide eyes. "He just...started crying..."

"Like, its so tragic!" Feliks wailed. "Liet doesn't love me - HE LOVES_ KATYUSHA!"_

Alfred's jaw dropped open in disbelief.

"...This is a joke, right?" Lovino muttered, voicing his thoughts aloud. "The bastard isn't serious..."

"Oh, Feliks!" Feliciano wailed. "Don't cry! I'll start crying!"

"Oh my..." the woman set down the book and knelt down beside Feliks - who had collapsed onto the ground in tears - and patted his back, awkwardly. "It's uh...alright..."

"No it's not!" Feliks moaned. "It'll like, never be alright! Liet was supposed to like, be my soulmate! It was supposed to be like, Toris and Feliks _forever!"_

"...I don't know what to say..." Ludwig's jaw was hanging open. "Should we...do something?"

"This is kind of creepy..." Lovino stared at Feliks with wide eyes. "I mean, I knew the bastard had problems but..."

"...Huh?" Alfred muttered.

Feliciano started to sob.

"Oh, for godsake, fratello!" Lovino snapped, escaping from his state of shock.

The woman continued to kneel beside Feliks, awkwardly rubbing his back as he cried. Suddenly Feliks grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a desperate hug; the woman looked startled and more than a little horrified.

Ludwig, Alfred and Lovino continued to stare; Feliciano continued to cry.

With the woman's back turned, Feliks' previously miserable expression snapped to an faintly annoyed one. His friends all took a step back, surprised by the dramatic change.

_'The book' _Feliks mouthed, his eyes jerking towards where the woman had set down the log book on the floor.

"...Huh?" Alfred stared at him.

The woman pulled back and Feliks' expression immediately crumpled into one of despair.

"Does _anyone _have any idea what's going on?" Lovino demanded.

"I think he wants us to get the book..." Ludwig responded, sounding unsure.

_"LIET!"_

Alfred jumped in alarm; Feliciano let out another broken sob.

"Shut _up _fratello!" Lovino snapped. "The bastard's just faking!"

The woman, hearing his exclamation, turned around. "What?" she demanded, her brow furrowed.

Feliks whirled her around and pulled her into another hug. The woman let out a yelp of surprise.

With the woman facing away from him, Feliks shot them all a vicious glare and jerked his eyes towards the book.

"I think we should get it" Lovino pointed out.

"Yeah..." Alfred blinked. "We probably should..."

He reached down for the book - just as the woman pulled away. He quickly jerked his hand back and moved back to where he had previously been standing.

"Are you alright now?" the woman asked Feliks, sounding slightly annoyed.

"I'll like, never be alright" Feliks responded. "...Can I like, have a tissue?"

"Alright" the woman looked relieved at the opportunity to leave the room; she hurried out, leaving them alone. Feliks whirled around to face his friends, an annoyed look on his face.

"Why didn't you like, grab the book?!" he demanded.

"Well, we were a bit confused!" Alfred retorted. "You should have given us some warning!"

"I thought I was like, being clear enough" Feliks replied. "I mean, I totally like, winked at you and everything!"

_"None _of us had any of idea what was going on!"

"What time did you say Matthew's reservation was?" Ludwig asked, as he flicked through the book. Lovino peered over his shoulder, trying to get a good look at the pages. Behind them, Feliciano rubbed at his eyes, trying to get rid of the remaining tears.

"Two thirty on Saturday" Alfred told him. Ludwig flicked through the book until he reached the right page and then scanned it; his eyes widened slightly.

"What?" Alfred asked.

The sound of footsteps alerted them to the fact that the woman was approaching the room; Ludwig's eyes widened and he quickly closed the book, placing it back in its previous position.

"Here" the woman shoved a tissue at Feliks. "Are you alright now?"

"My heart is like, broken" Feliks told her.

The woman turned away from him and faced the others; a look of slight desperation was present on her face.

"Can you take him away now?" she asked.

"Can't we just leave him here?" Lovino muttered.

"Sure" Ludwig responded, shooting Lovino a warning look.

The five of them walked outside and made there way towards Lovino's car. Alfred glanced back towards the entrance of the chapel; the woman stood there, looking relieved to see them leave.

"...I just realized something" Lovino said, slowly. "How the hell are we supposed to find these people?"

"...Oh shit" Alfred muttered.

"Don't worry" Ludwig responded. "Those people...I know them."

"You do?" Alfred sounded hopeful.

"Yes" Ludwig nodded. "Roderich and Elizaverta...Elizaverta used to be Gilbert's girlfriend. Roderich is a friend of the family."

"So you know where they live?" Hope was once again starting to form within Alfred. "You can tell us where to go?"

"I think so" Ludwig responded. "I haven't been there in a while...Gilbert threatens to disown me any time I mention either of them. He's...not on good terms with Roderich."

Feliks stared at him, oddly. "Doesn't Gilbert like, live in your house and like, spend all your money?" he asked. "If he like, disowns you he'd like, suck more than usual."

"Tell that to him" Ludwig replied.

"We aren't going there now" Lovino told them, sounding slightly annoyed at the prospect of a longer trip. "It's late; the bastards will probably call the police."

"Probably" Ludwig agreed. "Since they'll probably assume that Gilbert sent me to teepee their house, or kill them or something..."

Everyone stared at him in disbelief.

"...I'm not kidding" he said, after a brief pause.

"We'll go tomorrow" Alfred decided. He shot a smile at Lovino. "How does that sound?"

"Don't smile at me, bastard" Lovino responded. He then shrugged his shoulders. "I'd prefer to just drop you all home and never see any of you again...but since I'm related to _him" _he jerked a finger in Feliciano's direction. "I'm pretty much stuck in a state of eternal misery."

"Can we stay at a really nice hotel?" Feliciano asked, sounding hopeful.

"Like, yeah!" Feliks grinned. "I _knew _it was a good idea that I like, brought all my supplies with me!"

"Shut up, bastard" Lovino snapped.

The car started up and they pulled out of the parking lot. For a few moments the car was filled with silence; Alfred turned towards Feliks and raised one eyebrow.

"You know your...uh...distraction back there?" he asked.

"Like, yeah!" Feliks grinned. "How _totally squeal-worthy _was that? I should like, _so _be an actor!"

"...Please tell me all of that was an act?" Alfred stared at his friend with wide eyes.

"Like, for the most part" Feliks shrugged. "It _was _like, a good way to vent my frustrations though."

**...**

**AN:**

**And so, here's another chapter :D Tell me what you think xD**


	6. Alfred Sleeps With Lovino

Their arrival at a nearby hotel had taken place not long before. The rooms had already been decided (Ludwig and Feliciano sharing one, and Feliks, Lovino and Alfred sharing another) and they'd all split up long before.

Alfred was thrilled with the room arrangements (sure, one less person would have been perfect, but he would take what he could get). Lovino on the other hand, wasn't as pleased.

"Damn Potato Bastard" he cursed. "Thinks he can hide his real intentions from me...I know what he's doing! Seducing my fratello..."

"Like, Love-no, you've been saying the same thing for like, the past hour" Feliks groaned. Lovino's head snapped up and his expression darkened with rage (...well, more rage).

"Are you an idiot?!" he growled. "How many times do I have to tell you - my name is _Lovino!"_

Alfred, who was sprawled across his bed, glanced at the clock. He watched as the seconds handle ticked further and further along it's circular face. Feliks would be soon disappearing into the bathroom for his nightly 'beauty therapy'...and then he and Lovino would be left alone. Alfred couldn't help but feel a slight thrill at that thought. All alone, in a hotel room...anything could happen...

...Nothing probably would happen, but he could still hope...

"Well like, time for my beauty therapy" Feliks announced, climbing off his bed and heading over to the bathroom. "Like, don't disturb me."

He disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Alfred inwardly cheered.

_"Like, don't disturb me" _Lovino repeated, his voice mocking. "Who would want to? I've been wanting to get rid of that bastard since the moment he opened his stupid mouth..."

_'Me too' _Alfred mentally agreed. _'...Well from the moment we entered this hotel room, anyway.'_

"I mean, it isn't natural to say 'like' that much..." Lovino's eyes wondered over to where Alfred was lying and his brow furrowed. "Hey, Bastard" he called out. "You know my fratello and the potato bastard pretty well, right?"

"Yeah" Alfred sat up and nodded in response. "I mean, they're two of my best friends."

"You could have stopped at the 'yeah'" Lovino told him. "Anyway, what do you think they're doing right now?"

Alfred blinked and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know."

"Dammit!" he jumped slightly, alarmed by Lovino's violent response. Lovino started to pace the room, muttering a string of curses under his breath.

"Are you alright?" Alfred asked.

"No!" Lovino snapped. "I mean...my fratello and the Potato Bastard are all alone in a hotel room...alone...I just don't like where all of this is leading!"

It took a moment for Alfred to process where Lovino was headed with all of this (he was slightly distracted by the amount of rage on the Italian's face - not many people could look sexy while resembling a serial killer) and when he did, he laughed and shook his head.

"Come on, it's _Feliciano_ and _Ludwig _we're talking about here!" he chuckled. "I don't even think Feliciano understands the meaning of sex, for crying out loud!"

"Oh, you'd be surprised" Lovino snorted.

"...And anyway, Ludwig is the biggest prude I've ever met. You don't have anything to worry about."

"The Potato Bastard can't be trusted" Lovino grumbled. "You think he's a good guy and then - _BAM! _He'll strike you dead."

"...Huh?" Alfred glanced at the other male, oddly. "Where...did that come from?"

Lovino shrugged. "Oh you know" he replied. "It's what all untrustworthy people do."

"But...I mean, what gives you the idea that Ludwig is untrustworthy?"

Lovino simply shrugged. "I just know, alright bastard?"

There was an awkward pause after this. Lovino let his eyes wonder the room, and Alfred let his eyes wonder Lovino. When the Italian's eyes drifted back towards him, Alfred forced his gaze to go elsewhere.

"...Is the creepy bastard alright?" Lovino asked, frowning slightly. "He's been in there a long time..."

"Oh, he's fine" Alfred responded, waving one hand dismissively. "This is normal for him."

"Oh..." Lovino shook his head. "You bastards all have something wrong with you, you know that, right? I'd be worried for my fratello's sanity, but he's had something wrong with him all his life..."

"Yeah..." Alfred nodded his head, his eyes drifting over Lovino's jawline. "I mean...yeah..."

"Oh for godsake!" Alfred blinked in surprise; Lovino scowled at him. "Seriously bastard, _why _do you keep staring at me?!"

Alfred couldn't help but wonder how Lovino had noticed...

"Do you want to share horror stories?" he asked, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Wha - huh?" Lovino blinked in confusion. "How the _hell _did we get there?"

"Oh you know..." Alfred let out a small, awkward laugh. "I just...thought it might be...fun..."

Lovino turned away from Alfred and lay down on his bed. He pulled his blankets around him and buried his head into his pillow.

"Forget it" he muttered. "I'm going to sleep."

Alfred frowned slightly; despite the fact that he despised horror movies with a passion (they usually ended up with him waking up in the middle of the night, screaming about how the evil munchkins were coming for him) he didn't want the conversation to end just yet.

"Can't we just share one each?" he begged.

"No!"

"But..." Alfred frowned and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. "How about I just share one then."

"Oh for godsake!" Lovino sat up and whirled around. As usual, a scowl was present on his face. "Just go to sleep!"

"...So, there was once this family -"

"Bastard!" Lovino's scowl deepened. "You're not even listening to me!"

"And they lived in...this random little town in the middle of nowhere" Alfred continued to speak, ignoring Lovino's protests. "...Hey, have you ever wondered why they use the 'middle of nowhere' so often? I mean, if it's nowhere, then it can't exist..."

"Just hurry up with the damn story!" Lovino snapped. "I want to go to sleep!"

"Right" Alfred nodded. "So...that family in the middle of nowhere...went out one day. To town...there was a town in the middle of nowhere. There shouldn't have been since, in reality and according to...physics and stuff like that...nowhere shouldn't exist."

"Oh God" Lovino slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Why do people like you exist?"

Alfred decided to ignore the almost-horrified tone of Lovino's voice, and take the comment as a compliment.

"So the family, while at the market, caught sight of a...uh...turnip."

There was an awkward pause.

"A...turnip" Lovino repeated, his voice slightly disbelieving. "You...you're making this up as you go along, aren't you?"

"No" Alfred replied.

_'Yes' _he thought.

"So the family bought the turnip...because they could. They took the turnip to their home - their home that shouldn't exist, but did -"

"Dear Lord, _stop!" _

"And then they went to bed. And the next morning when they woke up" Alfred paused for dramatic effect. "The turnip was gone!"

"STOP!"

Alfred shut his mouth and stared at Lovino in surprise; the Italian was panting hard.

"Stop talking" he growled. "That...that isn't a story. You want to hear a real horror story? I'll tell you a real horror story!"

Alfred perked up. "Seriously? I knew you'd see the light!"

...

Ten minutes later, he was wishing that Lovino hadn't 'seen the light.'

"What do you _mean _no one ever heard from them again?" Alfred whimpered. He was curled into a tight ball, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. His eyes were wide. "They couldn't have just disappeared!"

Lovino simply shrugged. "They did" he replied. "No one saw or heard from them ever again...it was like they had never existed."

Alfred let out a small shriek of fear and buried his head below his knees. Lovino shot him an odd look.

"You aren't _that _scared are you?" he asked, frowning. "It's just a story, bastard. It's not real."

"I'm not scared!" Alfred protested, trembling slightly. He wasn't scared...being scared wasn't cool! Well, not unless Lovino was totally into that stuff...if so, he did some pretty good fake crying...

"You're scared" Lovino shook his head and let out a bark of laughter. "Whatever - just don't bother me. I want to get some sleep now."

"Yeah" Alfred uncurled himself from his fetal position and nodded his head, weakly. "Sleep. Right. Yeah."

"Goodnight, bastard."

"Yup." Alfred lay down on his bed and stared at the wall for a few moments, his entire body trembling. It was just a story...just a story. That's all it was; just a good old story...

"...Seriously is it normal for the bastard to be in there so long?"

Alfred let out a shriek of fear.

Lovino, who had spoken, simply stared at him.

"There is something wrong with you" the Italian muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. He repeated his previous question.

"Who?" Alfred asked, trying to calm his breathing.

"You know..." Lovino waved one hand. "The blond bastard who says 'like' so much that you feel like punching him in the face."

"Oh, Feliks" Alfred said, in realization. "Yeah, this is normal."

Lovino frowned. "Are you sure he isn't dead or something?"

"Hmm? Oh no, this is fine."

Lovino made a small noise of disbelief. "I don't know what's _wrong _with my fratello" he sighed. "Can't he make any normal friends? All of you people are just fucked in the head."

"Nah" Alfred laughed. "It just seems that way."

"No really" Lovino sat up and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. "Look at the Potato Bastard for instance."

Alfred waited for a moment for him to go on; he didn't.

"Uh..." Alfred coughed. "Aren't you going to continue with that?"

"No" Lovino scowled. "That's all you have to do; look at him. It's all evident in a single glance."

"...Sure."

"And the creepy bastard" Lovino continued. "All you have to do is hear one _sentence _and you'll realize that his true place in the world is in a mental asylum."

"He has a good heart" Alfred protested.

"I'm sure a lot of crazy people do."

"Alright then" Alfred gazed at Lovino, expectantly. "What do you think of me?"

Lovino considered this for a moment.

"You're weird" he said, at last.

A loud smash of thunder sounded, and Alfred let out a loud howl of fear.

"Like I said" Lovino said.

Alfred climbed of his bed and hurried over to Lovino's. Lovino scowled at him and moved away.

"What do you want?!" he demanded. "Why are you coming over here for?"

"It's thundering!" Alfred moaned. "I can't sleep now! I mean...you just told me the scariest horror story _ever -"_

"It really wasn't that bad" Lovino muttered.

" - And now it's _thundering. _It's the worst combination _ever..._hey, what are you doing?!"

Lovino turned around and raised one eyebrow at Alfred's panicked expression.

"I'm turning off the light" he responded.

Alfred paled. "No!" he cried. "You can't do that! That's like...no! Come on, don't do that!"

Lovino let out a sigh and shook his head. "I can't believe this" he muttered. "You're pathetic, do you know that?"

"Don't turn out the light!" Alfred pleaded. He jumped into the air as another bolt of thunder sounded. "Please!"

"I need to get some sleep!" Lovino snapped. "I'm going to have to be a chauffeur to you bastards tomorrow and for who knows how long...I deserve some time to myself!"

"Can I sleep with you then?"

If Alfred had been thinking straight he probably would have been horrified (...or hopeful, but for a completely different reason that he currently was).

"What?!" Lovino looked horrified. "What the _hell _did you just say, bastard?!"

"Let me sleep with you!"

"No!" Lovino backed away, looking like someone had burnt him. "Why the hell would I let you do that? Dammit, I knew there was something wrong with you!"

"Please!" Alfred's eyes opened wide, and he gazed at Lovino in near desperation. "I'll never get to sleep otherwise! You don't understand how _bad _ I am with scary stuff!"

"Oh for godsake!" Lovino flung up his arms in exasperation. "It wan't even scary!"

"And it's thundering now!" Alfred added. A second later, a flash of lightening filled the sky; Alfred shrieked.

"It's lightening too!"

"But...why can't you sleep in your _own _bed?!" Lovino demanded.

"Because! I'll never get to sleep! I need human comfort!" Alfred moved closer and stared at Lovino with wide eyes. "It'll only be until Feliks gets back."

"Fuck!" Lovino cursed. "Where the _hell _is the the creepy bastard?!"

"In the bathroom" Alfred replied, promptly. "So, can I?"

Lovino let out a noise of frustration. "Can't you just wait until the bastard gets back?!" Alfred continued to stare at him with wide eyes; he let out a loud curse.

_"Fine" _he spat. "But you're staying all the way over there" he pointed to the very edge of the bed, and then moved all the way to the other side.

Alfred's expression lit up. "Thank you!"

Lovino simply scowled. "Even _think _about cuddling me or any of that shit, and I'll hunt you down in your dreams. I'll be like that Freddy fucker."

Alfred's eyes widened slightly. "Don't mention him!" he cried. "It's bad enough as it is!"

"Whatever" Lovino turned away from him and moved to the other side of the bed. "You're getting out as soon as the creepy bastard gets back."

Alfred moved to sit on the bed and curled himself up into a comfortable position.

"Thanks Lovino" he murmured.

"Stop facing me, bastard."

Alfred turned away and let his eyes flutter shut, a small smile on his face.

...A moment later his eyes flew open as he realized, with a jolt of shock, that he was in bed with _Lovino. _Sure, with all the conditions the Italian had heaped on him, he barely was, but...there was a start for everything.

Eventually he managed to fall sleep.

Later (he wasn't aware of how much time had passed) a loud squeal woke him up. A cry of "what the fuck?!" signaled that Lovino had woken up as well.

Alfred's eyes flew over to the direction of the sound where, in the darkness of the room, he couldn't see a thing. There was a sudden flash of lightening and he jerked back in shock, right into Lovino.

Both of them let out screams of fear.

Illuminated by the brief light of the room, had been a strange figure with a garish mess for a face.

"It's the guy from your story!" Alfred wailed. "He's come to make us disappear!"

"T-thats impossible, bastard" Lovino stuttered, as he fumbled around for the light switch. "T-the story isn't even real!"

"Like, oh my god, you guys are _so _cute!"

There was an awkward pause; Lovino's hand paused it's search for the light switch and he, along with Alfred, simply stared into the darkness for a moment.

"...Feliks?" Alfred's voice was slightly disbelieving.

The light flickered on a moment later and both he and Lovino was able to properly see the figure standing in the open doorway of the bathroom. Behind the bright green goop covering the figure's face, it was now much clearer to see who it was.

"B-bastard!" Lovino stuttered, still getting over his shock. "What the _hell_ is on your face?!"

"Its like, my exfoliation mask" Feliks replied, beaming at them. "Seriously though, you guys are like, the cutest thing _ever!"_

Lovino's cheeks turned red and he shoved Alfred off the bed.

"The bastard's here" he snapped. "You can sleep with him now."

**...**

**AN: **

**Thank you to all of you who reviewed, followed and favourited this :D I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Tell me what you think :D**


	7. Alfred Makes A Deal With The Devil

The next morning, they stopped by at a nearby cafe for a quick bite of breakfast. The five of them all crammed together on one small table, searching through the breakfast menu for something to order.

"How come there isn't any pasta?" Feliciano complained. Lovino glanced up and glared at him.

"It's a breakfast menu, idiot," he snapped. "Why the hell would there be _pasta _on it?"

"...Do they take special requests?" Feliciano began looking around for a worker, looking intent on asking them.

"Stop acting like an idiot," Lovino snapped. "Order something else!"

"Why don't you try the pancakes?" Alfred suggested, smiling at his friend. "They sound pretty good."

"Yes, they do," Feliciano admitted, lowering is eyes slightly. "But...pasta..."

"You're having the pancakes!" Lovino growled.

Alfred inwardly beamed at that. Lovino had taken his suggestion; oh that was...well, okay, there were a lot of other things Lovino could have agreed with him on (the two of them running away to Vegas and getting married, for example) but still...he'd agreed with him!

"Pancakes are like, _so _fatty," Feliks complained. "I can't like, eat those! I need to like, keep my gorgeous figure!"

"Oh shut up," Lovino grumbled.

"We'll head over to Roderich and Elizaverta's house as soon as this is done," Ludwig told them. "Hopefully...they won't slam the door in our faces. Or call the police."

Alfred frowned. "Seriously, I don't get it. Why would they be so freaked out? They don't even _know _us."

"They know _me," _Ludwig replied.

Lovino glared at him. "Great, Potato Bastard," he spat. "You've gone and screwed up this, too."

"It isn't my fault!" Ludwig shot back. "Blame my _brother."_

"But what did he _do?" _Alfred's brow furrowed slightly. "I mean, it can't be that bad!"

"It's like, Gilbert," Feliks pointed out.

"...True."

"What _did _he do, Potato Bastard?" Lovino sounded slightly curious.

"Oh you know..." Ludwig let out an awkward laugh. "...Pretended to be a deranged stalker to freak Elizaverta out, when she dumped him and started going out with Roderich..."

Everyone stared at him.

"...Thats fucked," Lovino said, at last.

"I like, _knew _Gilbert was like, out of his mind!" Feliks exclaimed. "Ever since that one time he like, completely _freaked _after I told him to like, change his hair colour!"

"No," Alfred told him. _"That _was completely understandable."

Feliciano stared at Ludwig, frowning slightly. "Was Elizaverta very angry?"

Ludwig snorted. "Let's just say, Gilbert came out of the whole thing with a severe concussion."

_"What?!" _Lovino's eyes were widened in horror. "And we're going to see these people?!"

Alfred swallowed heavily.

"Well," Ludwig said, trying to stay optimistic. "I'm sure they won't act nearly as badly with me...I think Elizaverta liked me..."

"Before or after your brother stalked her?" Alfred demanded, his voice tinged with panic.

"He didn't _stalk _her." Ludwig coughed, awkwardly. "He just...pretended to."

"How do you _pretend _to stalk someone?!"

"Your family is fucked," Lovino told Ludwig. "It's as simple as that - don't try to justify it."

"I'm not!" Ludwig glared at him. "I'm just saying, my brother isn't _really _a deranged stalker..."

Alfred, Feliks and even Feliciano, all exchanged glances.

"So like, what's the plan?" Feliks asked, after a brief pause. "Are we like, just going to go up and like, ask them to give Mattie back his spot?"

"I don't think it'll be that simple" Alfred sighed. "We're probably going to have to pull out some bribes."

"Oh god." Ludwig shuddered. "Elizaverta has the creepiest fetishes..."

"...Or maybe we can come up with something else."

"Maybe we can ask, very nicely," Feliciano suggested. "Maybe then they'll say yes!"

Lovino snorted. "Yeah right, fratello. I'm _sure _they'd happily ruin their wedding for the sake of someone else."

Alfred winced at his wording; the more he thought about it, the more ridiculous he realized his plan was. What was he going to do; go up to them and ask them to put their wedding on hold, so that two people they had never met could have their happy day? The most likely scenario was that he would get a door slammed in his face.

"Like, what were those fetishes?" Feliks asked Ludwig.

"Stop it!" Alfred snapped. "We aren't going to resort to _that. _We'll keep our dignity!"

Lovino glanced at him and raised one eyebrow. "What dignity?"

...

The car ride to Elizaverta and Roderich's house went very much like every other one they'd had; loud and filled with chaos, and violent threats.

"Fuck, _finally," _Lovino groaned, sounding relieved as the car finally pulled up in front of a house.

Alfred pressed his nose against the window, gazing out at the house. It wasn't too big or too small; it wasn't overly impressive. It looked like every other house on the street.

When he told Lovino this, the Italian simply grimaced.

"I think you're just looking for reasons to talk to me," he muttered, sounding none too pleased by the statement.

Alfred didn't argue against this since...well, it was pretty much true.

"Like, what a tacky house." Feliks' nose crinkled as he studied the building. "I like, would love to burn that thing down."

Ludwig turned to stare at him, looking faintly horrified. "Don't _say _that!" he cried. "Not _here..._can you _imagine _the reaction if either or _them _heard?"

Alfred's eyes widened slightly. "I'd never get Mattie's spot back!"

"Oh, that would be so sad!" Feliciano's lower lip wobbled. "I really don't like sad things...which is why, we _really _need to save Mattie's wedding!"

Lovino snorted. "Among other things."

"Yeah," Feliks agreed, "Like, how Alfred will lose his genitals if we don't like, fix his mess."

Alfred scowled at him. "I'm glad I have such brilliant friends."

"I like, tell it how it is."

Lovino glanced at Ludwig, and then jerked his head towards the door. "Potato Bastard, go knock," he growled.

"What?" Ludwig's eyes widened. "Why should _I _do it?"

"You're the only one who actually knows these people," Lovino pointed out.

"Yeah!" Ludwig snapped. "And in this case, it isn't a good thing."

"Like, stop anagonizing him, Love-no," Feliks sighed, flipping back his hair as he did so. "I'll like, do it."

As Feliks strutted past Lovino, the Italian's face darkened with rage.

"Does that bastard have something wrong with him?!" he spat. "I _swear _if he calls me Love-no one more time, I will _tear out _his brain and feed it to my pet piranas!"

"You don't have any pet piranas," Feliciano told him.

"I know that fratello!" Lovino snapped. "It just sounded good to say, alright!"

Alfred thought it sounded good but then, saying so aloud would probably earn him a similar threat. He decided to admire from afar.

The door of the house opened, and a brunette woman stuck her head out. She gazed around at them, her expression curious.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

Ludwig shuffled to the back of the crowd, trying to make himself look inconspicuous.

"Like, hey," Feliks greeted. "You like, have totally squeal-worthy hair, do you know that? It's like, the same shade as Liet's."

The woman looked even more confused; she stared at him, oddly.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Who is that?" called out a male voice. A moment later a tall man joined the woman on the doorstep. He glared at them.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Like, the lady with Liet's hair already asked that," Feliks told him. "I'm like, Feliks. This is Alfred," he pointed to Alfred, "and Feliciano and Love-no."

_"IT'S LOVINO!"_

"...And that's Ludwig."

The expression on Ludwig's face would have been comical, if Alfred had actually managed to see it; instead he was distracted by the sudden looks of suspicion and rage on the faces of the woman and the man.

"Ludwig?" hissed the woman.

"Hello, Elizaverta," Ludwig greeted, sounding slightly shaky. "Hello Roderich."

Oh. So _those _were Elizaverta and Roderich. Alfred eyed them, studying the unfriendly expressions on their faces.

At the moment it _really _wasn't looking good for them.

"Uh." Alfred stepped forward. "I really need to speak to you about -"

Elizaverta cut him off. "What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded. "Did _he _send you?"

"Gilbert?" Ludwig let out an awkward laugh. "No, of course not. Gilbert hasn't even mentioned you, since...well, er, since..."

"Let's not mention it," Roderich cut him off.

"Yeah." Ludwig nodded his head, still looking awkward. "That's a good idea."

"I don't know if we can trust them," Elizaverta said, frowning slightly. "If they're linked with Gilbert -"

"We aren't!" Feliks protested. "I like, hate that guy! You know, there was this one time -"

"Shut up, bastard," Lovino cut him off. He turned to Elizaverta and Roderich. "I don't even know the bastard."

"So, what then?" Elizaverta glared at them. "If he didn't send you, why are you here?"

"Bastard wants you to give up your wedding," Lovino responded, jerking a finger in Alfred's direction. "Mind doing it, so we can be on our way?"

"Ha!" Elizaverta pointed a finger at him. "I knew it! Gilbert _did _send you!"

"What?!" Alfred's eyes widened. "No, he really didn't!"

Roderich glared at them. "You have some nerve," he spat, "coming here and thinking you can ruin our big day."

Alfred shook his head. "I only asked -"

Elizaverta climbed down the front steps and marched towards him, her expression thunderous.

"Just go away!" she spat. "I don't feel like associating myself with the likes of _anyone _who associates themselves with _Gilbert."_

"Like, that's totally discrimination," Feliks told her.

"I know martial arts," Elizaverta shot back.

Feliks let out a burst of laughter. "Like, yeah right!" he snorted. "Like, _you _know -"

Elizaverta slammed her foot in his groin.

"Dude!" Alfred's eyes widened in shock. "Calm down! We aren't asking for trouble - we only want to talk to you about the possibility of you postponing your wedding day -"

Elizaverta turned to stare at him and glared, threateningly.

"She's a black-belt," Roderich told them, sounding extremely proud.

"I never signed up for this!" Lovino howled. "What the hell is going on?!"

He glanced down and his eyes widened.

_"FRATELLO - WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP MY SHIRT OFF?!"_

Alfred glanced over, looking overly-eager.

"I need to make a white flag!" Feliciano wailed, still tugging on Lovino's shirt. "This is the only white thing I can see!"

"Like, what the hell are you psycho's _on?!" _Feliks, clutching his groin tightly, glared up at Elizaverta, his eyes screwed up with pain.

"Potato Bastard!" Lovino howled. "Tell them we mean no harm!"

Feliciano made a frustrated noise. "If you just give me your shirt fratello, I could _show _them!"

_'Please give him your shirt, Lovino...' _Alfred thought.

...

Eventually Alfred managed to get his story out, once things had calmed down.

"So, you're saying," Roderich said, peering over his cup of tea, "that you would like us to postpone our wedding day."

"...Yes." Alfred stared at him, hopefully.

"Because you cancelled your brothers wedding reservation?" Roderich took a sip from his cup of tea, and raised one eyebrow.

"Accidentally," Alfred interjected. "...And, yes."

"Hmm..." Roderich thought for a moment. "No."

"That's like, totally _not _squeal-worthy," Feliks told him, his eyes narrowed. "You can't like, ruin a wedding like that!"

"You are telling us to give up our wedding for the sake of someone we don't even know," Roderich snorted.

Ludwig tried to speak. "Look -"

Roderich cut him off. "I have no desire to hear _anything _from the mouth of Gilbert's brother."

"I think I like this guy," Lovino muttered.

"Oh, Roderich," sighed Elizaverta, walking over. "They look so pathetic..."

"Yes," Roderich agreed, "they do."

"Fine!" Alfred cried. "We look pathetic - we _are _pathetic!"

"Hey!" Lovino snapped.

"Like, take one for the team, Love-no," Feliks piped up.

"For the _last time -"_

"But," ignoring his friends, Alfred continued to speak. "We will do _anything _to get that reservation back. _Anything."_

"I hear you have strange fetishes," Feliciano said, smiling slightly.

"Fratello!" Lovino snapped, his expression darkening.

"Look," this time, it was Ludwig who spoke. "I know you _really _don't like me much - considering what my brother did, I sort of understand. But...Matthew has been looking forward to his wedding for a while. So...isn't there anything we could do?"

"No," Roderich replied.

"Oh this is just ridiculous," Lovino groaned. "If the bastards say no, what the fuck are we supposed to do about it? Hold them down and force them to hand it over?"

"Like, don't _say _that _here," _Feliks hissed. "Remember what Ludwig told us? And I don't like, want to get my man-bits chopped off!"

"...I'm going to get my man-bits chopped off," Alfred whimpered.

_'Before Lovino even got to see them,' _he thought, mournfully.

"This is almost cute," Elizaverta snickered. "You boys, you're so pathetic. You'd really do anything for that reservation?"

Alfred sat up straighter and nodded his head, quickly.

"I like, spoke to the careers councilor this one time," Feliks said. "She like, told me I'd make a good stripper."

Elizaverta laughed. "Tempting," she told him. "But...no. I think I might have something for you."

"Wait." Lovino sounded suspicious. "You're telling me there's something we could do...that would make you give us your wedding reservation?"

Elizaverta nodded her head.

"...I'm out of here."

"Fratello, wait!" Feliciano grabbed onto his brother, to prevent him from walking away. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not going to jail!" Lovino snapped. "Have you _heard _about the things that go on in there?!"

"Oh calm down," Elizaverta laughed. "I'm not going to ask you to do anything illegal."

"Elizaverta." Roderich narrowed his eyes at her. "What are you on about? There is _nothing _they can do -"

"Roderich." Elizaverta cut him off. "Remember that place...that we originally wanted to have the wedding?"

Roderich stared at her for a moment. "...There is no way we can have it there."

Elizaverta shrugged. "Who knows."

"The priest said -"

"Like, excuse me," Feliks cut in. "Mind like, telling us what's going on?"

Elizaverta turned to face them. "We originally wanted to have our wedding in the church in this town - it's where I've always wanted to get married." She smiled, dreamily.

"Wow," Lovino muttered. "You really don't have many life ambitions."

Ludwig shot him a warning look.

"But, uh..." she hesitated for a moment. "There was a bit of an...incident. With Roderich...and the priest..."

There was an awkward pause.

"Uh..." Alfred coughed.

_"Not _like that," Roderich snapped, looking embarrassed.

"No, of course not," Elizaverta laughed. "Any sexual encounters were between Roderich and the priests younger sister."

"Excuse me, woman!" Roderich snarled. "It _was not _like that!"

"Well it would have been," Elizaverta argued. "If Father Zwingli hadn't walked in on you two."

Alfred watched the two, studying Elizaverta's expression and the tone of her voice. Despite the fact that she was speaking about past sexual rendezvous of her husband-to-be's, she didn't seem particularly annoyed.

"Father Zwingli is being completely unreasonable," Roderich grumbled. "It was one time - _nothing _happened - and because of this, he refuses to marry us. Completely ridiculous."

"I heard it was _scandalous," _Elizaverta laughed.

"So, what?" Hope was once again starting to blossom within Alfred. "You just want us to convince the guy to marry you at the church? Then you'll give us the reservation back?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Alfred," Ludwig sighed. "Your brother is getting married the day after tomorrow. How do you expect to do all of this before then?"

"Oh, shut up, Potato Bastard," Lovino groused. "How hard can it be? All we have to do is convince that Zwingli-bastard to marry those idiots."

"I doubt they can do it," Roderich snorted. "That man is a maniac."

"Like, so is Love-no," Feliks responded. "I think we can like, manage just fine."

"We can do it!" Feliciano chirped, a smile spreading across his face. "Anything to make things happy again!"

Alfred nodded his head rapidly. "Yeah," he said. "We'll do it."

Ludwig, still looking unsure, simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Excellent!" Elizaverta beamed, widely.

"Fine," Roderich snapped. "You have until tomorrow to get it done - if not, you lose. Understand?"

"I don't think we're going to need two days to convince the guy," Alfred said.

Roderich snorted. "If you think that, then you have no hope."

**...**

**Review, please :)**


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